We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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