bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I am available for nakedness
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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