i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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