you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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