Barsexuality is the new black.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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