I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize