I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
