im about as happy as oj after his trial
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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