Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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