She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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