is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize