Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I am spending my child support on dildos
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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