the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
