Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
