His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
COCAINE IS GR8
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
