The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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