How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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