I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
