How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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