Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
