i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Randomize