Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
two words...techno handjob
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
