yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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