There is no way he is gay with that hair.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
