PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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