my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
