I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
