She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
