FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize