im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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