Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
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