I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
This is the prime rib incident all over again
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
