Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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