he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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