Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
