is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
