rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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