i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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