no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
