Is it normal to miss your booty call?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
