i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
