My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm at about main and main street
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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