The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
