Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize