please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
