i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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