really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
