Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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