My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
