did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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