Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize