all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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