he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
As shirtless as possible
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I have already put on my inside pants.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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