YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
