I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
someone get that fucking seahorse.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
