so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
