you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
