I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
3pm strippers are depressing
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
