Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
