whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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