i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
