OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
