She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
