i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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