I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
