last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
