Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Two words: blizzard sex
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
