Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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