Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
