Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
