doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
