I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize