yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
