i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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