I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
