I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
