Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
