Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
